If you have spent time on her blog, or have been fortunate enough to have her spend time on yours, then you see this value shine.
If you have a gut feeling that drinking alcohol doesn’t quite seem right then buy this book.
If you know that alcohol is affecting your life in a damaging way, and you want to change that, then buy this book.
If you are sober and want to help other people achieve sobriety then buy this book.
Now the lazy amongst you can stop reading and just buy the book. For the rest of you I would like to spend some time waxing lyrical about the topic that I found most useful in the book – the section on ‘DETERMINATION.’
This is the most valuable concept to understand when you are on a sober journey. If you can understand this concept then you are far more likely to quit than someone who does not, and Lisa Neumann explains it better than anybody I know.
I have capitalised it because when I think of this word, especially in the context of my clients, I feel the need to shout it out.
IF YOU HAVE DETERMINATION THEN YOU WILL SUCCEED!
Bizarrely, you can wrap the whole journey of sobriety into that one sentence. It really is all you need. If you make the choice to succeed, no matter what roadblocks get in your way, then nothing will stop you from achieving your goal.
So easy and yet so hard, because so many people cannot seem to grasp this concept. They get confused. They are telling themselves that they are determined and yet they keep opening that bottle of beer. What is going on? Why is this so difficult?
“It’s not a coincidence that people who achieve are those that believe they can achieve.” – Lisa Neumann.
It’s all about belief.
If you don’t believe that you can succeed then how on earth are you going to find the reserves of determination to get through this?
“We are given the gift of choice. Begin to use it. We are not a victim of alcoholism’ – Lisa Neumann.
My wife hates it when I utter that immortal line, ‘It’s all in your head.’
It really is.
Stop whining about it.
Stop complaining that people are telling you that it’s all in your head and take responsibility.
“Once receptive to developing the quality of my THINKING, the quality of my LIFE changed – substantially.” – Lisa Neumann.
We can change our lives if that’s what we want to do. It’s a choice that we have to make, and if you make it with enough determination, and then start to pay more attention to the importance of your thoughts, then what’s left to stop you?
The human body is a process of evolution. I look at my 13-year old son and remember when I held him in my arms – too scared to place him in the crib in case he cried.
Now look at him.
He’s bigger than me.
The mind is the same.
It started out with nothingness and then over time we filled it with a ton of shit. It’s this shit that we turn to when we question the choices in our lives. It’s this shit that says going out on a Saturday night and getting so drunk that you end up having unprotected sex with a complete stranger is perfectly acceptable.
It’s not acceptable.
“Our old perspective kept us drinking; our new perspective keeps us sober.” – Lisa Neumann.
Get a different perspective.
Did you just say no?
I thought so.
You see people don’t like to be told what to do and this includes someone who believes they have a drinking problem searching for someone to affirm that they have a drinking problem. This trap is so insane that we don’t even want the answers we are looking for.
This is the power of the mind.
The same mind that is your friend when you quit, when you say it’s too difficult, and you say you can’t do this. Then in addition to your mind, I have no doubt that you have a myriad of friends who will all tell you that you don’t have a problem, and that your drinking is no different to anybody else’s.
It’s no wonder you have very little determination.
It seems like you are designed to fail.
But do you remember a time when you did not fail?
Think back to that moment and ask this question.
“How the hell did I manage that?”
I guarantee that you developed belief, you made different choices, and you found determination.
You didn’t quit, you didn’t moan and groan. Instead, you ploughed on because the end goal was important to you. You knew this in your heart. There was pleasure attached to this thought. You wanted it badly enough and so you ran through walls to get it.
So what’s the difference now?
Aren’t you fed up of forgetting so many moments that passed you by without any recollection? Aren’t you fed up of creating memories you can’t even access because you blacked out?
There is a huge difference between wanting to stop and CHOOSING to stop. This is another vital ingredient in the sobriety soup and another that’s tied into the creation of determination.
If you want to stop drinking then you will not find the determination you need to succeed.
If you CHOOSE to stop?
You have nailed it.
When your wife tells you that she will leave you if you don’t stop drinking and you finally get the message and tell her you will quit. This is not CHOOSING to quit.
When you go to another rehab clinic because you feel you have to. This is not CHOOSING to quit.
When your boss threatens you with the sack, or your child asks you why you puke, and you feel like you have a bit of a problem…this is not CHOOSING to quit.
“Right. I am not going to let another drop of that shite pass these lips. I am not going to be controlled by this poison any longer. I am fed up to the fucking gills of this controlling my life. No more. I love my family far too much to let a poisonous substance ruin that. I don’t want my kids to turn out like me. What sort of role model am I? It ends today. I am going to become sober. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, how much I have to spend, how much time I have to invest. The guns are out and I am going to blow this addiction to kingdom fucking come. I will not fail. I will not fail. I am going to beat this bastard. I am going to conquer this. I will not fail.”
Now that’s choosing to quit.
Then you have another drink.
You get back to the drawing board.
You get those guns out and you start firing again.
“Do we really want this? And Are we willing to work toward achieving it?” Lisa Neumann.
Life is difficult, pain is inevitable, but suffering is not. Now that’s a choice, and hopefully by now you realise that I am a stickler when it comes to understanding that nobody can take away your right to choose your own set of actions in any given circumstances.
“Trying only works, however, if we are determined to try until we get it right.” Lisa Neumann.
We have accepted quitting as the norm. We use these excuses in our choices of foods, to defend our right to smoke, to take drugs, to behave like a twat, to destroy our relationships through our selfishness, to stay in the same boring as hell job, and to continue to drink poison.
It’s not too late to get determined.
It’s never too late to get into the fight.
If you don’t learn to find determination then you don’t stand a chance.
Learn from Lisa Neumann, learn from her book.
“I almost missed out on my life, and I didn’t even know it.” Lisa Neumann.
Do you want to miss out?
I thought not.
So what are you staring at me for?
Go and get it done.