Opening my Heart

Angel of Love
I think I am finally growing up. The blinkers are off. There is a part of me that feels so very sad that I did not wake up earlier, but then there is a part of me that understands that without that suffering I would not be where I am today. The past is the past. It is gone; lost forever. All I have is now, and now I am happy. I am happy as a result of the suffering that I have experienced in the past. Necessary suffering needed to understand how to love and be loved.

I have realised that my heart has been closed for a very long time. Encased in a tomb that even Indiana Jones would struggle to find. I am beginning to understand why I am the way that I am. Awareness is showering me with light. I look at myself in the mirror and am more than familiar with the reflection. I have been so unkind, so unloving, so desperate to protect myself that I have failed to allow love to grow. The ground that I have covered has been arid and desolate. The roots of love could not get a grip. Arable land was a dream, a figment of my imagination.

I have found someone special and I treated her in the only way I knew how. I reached into my skill set and dragged my relationship skills out by their hair. I put them into good use. Proud I was. I thought that I had the gift of the gab. I knew how to make a woman feel special. But then when I had her in my arms and she looked into my eyes, she could see me for the fraud that I was. I smile as I write. Smiling at the cleverness of the woman that I love. She knows who I am. She almost knows me better than I know myself.

I have to give up my power. I need not be afraid. I want to share my power with her. My Liza. My woman. My love. Take it. Lets pull. Feel the strength – a tug of war with no victor. Just strength. Power shared by two people – the power of a truly wonderful relationship; the power of love. The door to my tomb is open. The light reaches in and my tomb blows away like dust in the wind. There it is. My heart. Open to the elements, vulnerable and in danger. But to anyone else all they see is the tomb. Like an optical illusion, only you can see this perfect pump. Only you can hurt me now.

I understand that I need to become vulnerable in order for our love to grow, to experience love like never before. I am prepared to suffer. I am ready to let love rule. I am seeking commitment and I am handing my commitment to you. I am ready to connect. I want to pull you inward, hold you, merge with you, become one, the very best of both of us.

It won’t be plain sailing. The wind will change course and catch us off guard occasionally. But as long as we have understanding and empathy we can work through anything. Each mistake, each screw-up, each set back makes us stronger. Each time we repair and move on – we become stronger – and the best part is we are doing it together.

So NeedyHelper readers, as you can tell, this week I have opened my heart, and if you want an intimate and loving relationship, then I invite you do so too.

Photo courtesy of H.Koppdelaney cc @ flickr.com

Comments

  1. Hello Lee! Wow, what a beautifully written article, so powerful! Just thought I would say ‘hi’ since it’s been a while. Good to see you growing and learning your truth. Catherine

    • It has been a while, good to see you still pop in every now and then. I hope everything is going well. Lee

  2. Beautiful. Everybody needs to learn that life is not about protecting oneself. It is about the loving.

  3. Opened your heart and opened up to your readers too. I appreciate your straightforward approach.

  4. Beautiful. Go, Lee! So happy for you.
    In a sense it is growing up (not playing childish games anymore). But, in another sense being vulnerable is being as honest/real/true as a child – without pretense.

    • Childish games is spot on. In the past I have often acted like an inner child has taken over. Hopefully, I have him under control.

  5. This is the best writing you have done to date that I have read. Exquisite, Lee.

  6. Lindsey Koelman says:

    Hi, Lee! We haven’t met yet, but I wanted to say “namaste.” I’m one of Liza’s Shakti sisters and have been very fortunate to walk a healing path with her for the last 9 years. What Liza has done for you she has done for me and countless other people in recovery. Because of her limitless compassion and gentleness, she has helped us all to open ourselves more fully as we feel so safe in her love. I’m overjoyed that you truly see her, for the graceful and wise buddha that she is, and that you’re able to bear your souls to one another. The depth of your intimacy and partnership is a reflection of your courage, and both of you strike me as incredibly courageous individuals. I’m honored to support your commitment to one another in any way I can. I hope to meet you in person soon, but for now please know that I send both of you my blessings and congratulations for saying “yes” to love!
    With gratitude,
    Lindsey

    • Hi Lindsey,

      I can’t wait to meet you too. She is an amazing woman and I am very fortunate and grateful for our meeting.

      Lee

      • Lindsey Koelman says:

        Touched by your response! Yes, Liza is amazing and YOU are amazing! Blessings on your path together and thanks for sharing your joy with us. Love, Lindsey

  7. Hi Lee.
    this is great writing – truly expressing yourself.
    you describe so well the realisation of the need to love and care for yourself so that you can love and care for others. you know when you get on a plane with a chlid the crew always say to put your own oxygen mask on first? well that is what you are doing. many people think this is selfish, that you should always put others first…but self care and love enable us to make the right decisions, to be totally there for others because we can focus on them instead of our needs…being vulneralbe is another fascinating layer isn’t it? people assume vulnerability is a bad thing – opening ourselves up to fears, to being rejected, treated badly…but as we grow our love and respect for ourselves then these things fade and ultimately lose their power. being vulnerable becomes an asset as we are open up to morel possibilities, to all those people who respond to our openess and honesty.
    I have so much admiration and respect for you lee. I know how hard the journey can be but the rewards along the way are just fab – not least wonderful relationships and connections with many, many like hearted people.

    Jackie x

    • Hi Jackie,

      Thanks for the beautiful comments.

      Liza asked me to try and explain the changes that I was experiencing and I found it difficult to orate. This is why I write. I think I manage to explain myself a little better; my mouth has always gotten me into trouble. The next phase of my development is how to bottle this stuff so others can also share in the wonder of it, and this is where my Lean Life project comes in.

      Take care

      Lee

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