I believe that in order to stop using a destructive drug you first need to make a fundamental choice to change. Your life consists of an arterial system of choices. They are everywhere and are everything. I break choices down into primary choices, secondary choices and fundamental choices.
A secondary choice is a snowflake, a primary choice is a snowball and a fundamental choice is the glacier that sunk the Titanic and made me cry when Jack vanished beneath the cold still waters.
A fundamental choice is one that ends with your desired change. Using my drinking problem, as an example, I never intended to stop drinking until I made that fundamental choice, and once made I knew I was never going to drink again.
This doesn’t mean I never told myself, and those closest to me, that I was going to quit. I always did. Not as much as I did when my life was controlled by nicotine, but I am sure those closest to me were equally as pissed as I kept on and on like a drunk hanging from your earlobe in the corner of a nightclub.
“I am never going to drink again.”
How many times have you said that?
It’s the epitome of contradiction that alcohol brings into our lives because we know we are lying to ourselves before the air has even left our lungs. I am never going to drink again…pull the other one.
Considering a life without alcohol is too much for most of us. I know it certainly was for me. I knew I didn’t like the taste, I knew I couldn’t afford it, I detested the hangovers, knew it was slowly taking hours from my life, and really didn’t like my Mr. Hyde.
“I am never going to drink again?”
Have you noticed that I added a question mark this time? I posed the question often enough, but it was life without it that stopped me from making in roads. Not because I needed the taste, the confidence, or the barely pronounceable buzz that I got. I needed the people.
It was all about the people.
Who am I without them?
I had fought so hard in the playground to become the man I am today. I will be damned if I am going to give it all up now. What if I die? Who cares? Everybody is doing it so we will all drown in this pissy pool of ethanol.
There is only one thing worse than knowing that drinking is destroying your life, without doing anything about it, and that’s deciding to quit after making a primary, or secondary choice, to do so. It’s a form of torture that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, and makes me want to put a pineapple through my window when I read yet another tale of woe on a forum from someone struggling to abstain from the poison.
Everybody knows that diets don’t work and if anything they just cause more grief than good. It’s also a common fact that most contestants that go on the dieting shows such as The Biggest Loser end up putting on more weight than they ever used to carry once the cameras stop rolling.
You eat chocolate brownies because you bloody love chocolate brownies, and to deprive you of those chocolate brownies is madness. How is that supposed to make you happy? How does that cure your problem? It does the opposite. It creates a problem. A problem of lack and desperation, which results in self loathing and a lack of confidence so severe that your voice is lost in a room full of moles.
I recently read on a forum that offers support to people trying to quit drinking, about a tale from a young women who had gone a whole year without booze.
What an amazing success story!
So why was she feeling like shit? She wasn’t pulling the strings on her Party Poppers. She was searching for the strings that were attached to a pound of C4 wedged underneath her arse.
“Luckily, I never gave in to the urge to drink wine again, but it is still an obsession in my mind that has not gone away.” Stated the poster.
Read that sentence again, and again, and again please. Read it as many times as you have uttered those immortals words, “I will never drink again,” because therein lies the key to your troubles.
When I made a fundamental choice to quit alcohol I worked hard to quit. I knew it wasn’t as simple as flexing my muscles and going to town on my willpower. Christ, I have bucket loads of willpower and it’s my reserves of willpower that kept me drinking for so many years despite my whole life rotting away around my swollen ankles.
I knew that alcohol had such a hold over me that I needed to remove the obsession. If I were thinking about drinking, after I stopped, I wouldn’t stand a chance.
So what did I do?
I realized that there was really nothing to quit. I thought logically about my situation and started to understand that alcohol offered me zero benefits. There are many ways that I did this but let me give you just one example.
People believe that drinking alcohol improves a social experience. That’s a lie. And if you don’t think it’s a lie, and want to give up drinking, then let me offer you another piece of advice.
IT’S A LIE.
You believe it brother. You believe it sister. And if you don’t believe it then you haven’t got the balls, or the ovaries, to quit. You don’t want to quit. You are going to be resigned to a lifetime of primary and secondary choices. You are walking away from a wall with a giant elastic band tied around your waist and it’s only a matter of time before you feel the snap.
It hurts doesn’t it? You feel like a prat don’t you?
When you are having fun at a party do you think it’s the drink that’s making you laugh? Do you think it’s the drink that’s making this conversation interesting?
If you want to stop craving alcohol then understand that there is nothing to crave. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. If you are a woman I assume you have faked an orgasm, and if you are a man you have pretended to listen to the women who faked her orgasm.
If you cannot GET IT. If you are struggling to believe that alcohol offers you zero benefits – and I assure you that it’s true – then fake it till you make it. Just believe that it’s true, and keep believing it.
Does the guy care when you let loose that climactic scream?
Of course he doesn’t.
He wants to believe so he will.
Just writing this blog post is my way of continuing to hammer home the belief that alcohol offers zero benefits. Can’t you see that? Do you think beliefs were created in your DNA? Do you believe they just exist? I bet you even think that you created your own beliefs?
They are not your beliefs. They are the by-products of whoever had the unfortunate task of trying to raise you. We are all robots when it comes to beliefs, until we make a fundamental choice. Then we take control of our own lives.
Stop making the alcohol the obsession and instead make your belief system an obsession. Don’t stop until you get what you want. Know you can have it. You just need to think it often enough for it to become true.
Alcohol offers ZERO benefits and until you realise this, you will always be craving for the poison that is ruining your life. This is your starting point and you shouldn’t move away from it until you believe it, and when you do, you will be free.
Happy and free.
If you need help managing your cravings then why not try my six-week habit change program called Lean Life.