My first open-mouthed kiss was with a girl called Emma and she was eating a bag of cheese and onion crisps at the time; not the most suitable companion for a snogging session. It was at that time that I realised the importance of oral hygiene – or so I thought. I was brushing regularly, but hated the inconvenience of it. Instead I started to buy extra strong mints, and I would eat a packet a day, as the minty freshness would replace the terrible odour.

Extra strong mints are full of sugar and as eating a lot of sugar leads to gum disease, which in turn leads to bad breath, it wasn’t a very wise decision and reminds me of my Dad who will go to the chemist for medication to take care of his cough and smoke a cigarette on his way over there.

As I got older I started to gargle with mouthwash and I occasionally tried flossing, which consisted of thrashing about in the front of my teeth for a few seconds always worried that I would pull out a filling or two.

Then recently I read the Liver Cleansing Diet by Sandra Cabot. I decided to complete an eight-week liver cleanse, and my food habits have changed radically ever since. I now eat a healthy diet that consists of fruit; raw vegetables, fish and the occasional munch on some chicken. Suddenly, the stench of my breath started to improve.

Then one night as I stood in front of the mirror complaining about my bad breath my girlfriend asked me to floss while she watched. She was in a fit of giggles as she watched me floss my front teeth for about 10-seconds before throwing it into the trash. She then taught me how important it was to spend time cleaning the back of my mouth. This is where the majority of the chewing goes on and where most of the food will get lodged in the crevices in between my gums and teeth. I did as she said and the stench from the floss was unbearable. The following day I did the same and the smell reduced until it dissipated the day after.

I now spend two minutes every morning cleaning my teeth, using a toothbrush, and paying particular attention to my molar region. I then floss diligently, before gargling with mouthwash. I carry floss everywhere with me and always make sure that I floss after I have eaten a meal.

What was once a major irritation for me is now part of my automatic pilot. I no longer have bad breath and I feel more confident when getting closer to people, in particular my partner.

So to recap the changes I have made to my habits that have resulted in the eradication of bad breath.

1. I eat a wide range of raw fruit and vegetables and have removed bad fats, sugar, dairy and most meat from my diet.

2. I floss every morning, every night and after most mealtimes.

3. I brush each morning and each night for two minutes whilst taking a shower.

4. I gargle with mouthwash two or three times per day.

5. I no longer eat extra strong mints!

What habits have you created that have helped you improve your bad breath?

Photo courtesy of Woodleywonderworks cc @ flickr

The World Series of Poker (WSOP) is the pinnacle of a poker player’s career. It’s the equivalent of the World Cup for a soccer player, the Olympics for an athlete and the Superbowl for an American Football player.

So professional poker player David Diaz must be feeling pretty sick this morning, after finding out that he has received a lifetime ban from any casino or hotel owned by the Caesars Entertainment Corporation, particularly as Caesars own the WSOP brand and the casino where it is currently being held.

So what did David Diaz do that merits a lifetime ban from the holy grail of poker events? He can’t tell us what he did because he doesn’t know himself. David Diaz was drunk. So drunk that he cannot remember a single thing.

This story is a classic case of the pain and pleasure principle in effect in our society. More than 80% of the world’s population drink alcohol and it’s safe to say that the habit is ingrained in our society. In order to make sure that we continue to ‘fit in’ we develop the ability to apply a lot of pleasurable experiences to the consumption of alcohol, and pass the painful experiences as a much smaller part of the wider scheme.

In the case of Diaz, he has no doubt has been drunk thousands of times before. Some nights would have ended without incident, and a lot of fun, others would have ended with one or more people getting upset, and every now and then you have a humdinger of a problem like the one Diaz currently faces.

This is what happens when you drink. You need to widen your scope and purvey the sight of the bigger picture. Poker players know and understand that in the short term luck is king, and it’s only over the long term that the skill of the players can emerge to take control of the edges needed to win in this game.

Alcohol is no different.

In the short term you may have some fun and create some wonderful memories. But it’s an illusion. Do you really think alcohol has the ability to make you laugh? If it did then why not prescribe it to the depressed? The trick of alcohol is that it gets you to believe that it has a benefit.

People make you laugh, not alcohol.

Over the long term your body will suffer and you will hurt a lot of people through your lack of control and inhibitions brought on by this deadly drug. Is a lifetime of believing that alcohol makes you happy worth a lifetime ban from doing something you love?

So now the million-dollar question.

Will David Diaz learn his lesson and never touch another drop of alcohol ever again in his life? If he didn’t drink alcohol how could he ever be banned for life from the WSOP? By all reports Diaz is a very friendly guy at the table. A man who had to overcome cancer at the age of four. A battle that resulted in the loss of one of his arms. But will he pay heed and stop drinking, or will he simply put this incident down as the one that got out of control? Will he tell himself that he needs to cut down in the future? Will he kid himself that he has any form of control when it comes to alcohol?

Only David Diaz has the answer to these questions. I hope that he gets interested enough to want to see the bigger picture. I really do.

Now I want every single person who reads this post to think of the worst thing that you have ever done whilst intoxicated and ask yourself whether it would ever happen had you been sober?

How did that event change your life? Do you have a secret that weighs you down that can never be shared? Share it with me. Write about your biggest screw-ups right now. Feel the pain, and for once just forget the illusion of pleasure that alcohol casts upon your mind.

Photo courtesy of Plutor cc @ flickr .com

When we give up one bad habit, a lot of us seem to take on another, albeit unintentionally in most cases. This is especially true in the case of diet soda. So many people take up the diet soda habit after they have realized how bad it is for them to drink regular soda and other sugary drinks. They think they are making a healthier choice since diet soda doesn’t have any calories or sugar.

However, there are a number of health problems associated with diet soda, and consumption can be habit forming. It is important to kick the habit if you want to protect your overall health and wellness. Here are a few tips for how you can kick the diet soda habit:

Identify the Ritual

Just like any habit, much of drinking diet soda is about the ritual. Maybe you always have one when you eat popcorn at the movies. Or maybe you like to have one with lunch every day. Maybe you just reach for one when you’re feeling stressed or are craving sweets.

By identifying the reasons why you drink diet soda and the situations in which you most often have it, you can prepare yourself better to break the habit. You can recognize when you might feel most inclined to lose your resolve and can either avoid those triggers or come up with strategies for resisting them.

Replace It with a Similar Drink

A big part of what people love about diet soda is the fizz. It feels good going down, and it makes the drink seem more lively and fun. Fortunately, there are many other drinks that can offer you the same fizz but without the chemicals, artificial sweeteners and food colorings that are found in diet soda.

Sparkling water is a good option. You can flavor it with fruits and sweeten it with Stevia. Kombucha is another great choice. This fermented tea has some fizz, as well as a host of health benefits, including good bacteria.

Replace the Caffeine

Besides the fizz, a lot of people turn to diet soda as a quick pick-me-up. The caffeine gives a nice jolt that can help you wake up, feel more energized and focus. If you need the caffeine, there are other, more healthy sources of it. For example, a cup of coffee or green tea both have caffeine, but they also have other benefits, such as antioxidants. Just be sure to drink them plain or with minimal milk and sugar. Too many additives, and you will undermine the health benefits and add too much fat and sugar to the drink.

Drink More Water

The healthiest thing you can drink is plain water. Many people find the taste of water to be boring – especially if they are used to drinking diet sodas all the time. However, after you have been drinking it for a few days or a few weeks, you will get used to the flavor and will be satisfied by it. Water can keep you hydrated and keep you feeling full so you don’t have as many cravings and won’t be tempted by diet sodas or other unhealthy treats.

Understand What Is at Stake

One of the best ways to kick the diet soda habit is to remember why it’s so bad for you. There is a lot at stake when you drink diet soda. The drink has been linked to a higher chance of heart attack and stroke, reduced insulin sensitivity (which can lead to weight gain and even diabetes) and some cancers. When you feel tempted to have a drink, think about all the negative health issues it could cause you and think again.

Diet soda is a delicious treat that many of us enjoy in place of sugared drinks. However, it is associated with a lot of negative health issues, and it can be habit forming. If you have a diet soda addiction, it may be time to kick the habit. Use these tips to help you put an end to your diet soda habit once and for all.

Do you have a diet soda addiction? Tell us about it and whether you’ve managed to kick the habit in the comments!

About the Author:

Bridget Sandorford is a freelance food and culinary writer, where recently she’s been researching Sacramento culinary schools. In her spare time, she enjoys biking, painting and working on her first cookbook.

Photo Courtesy of fimoculous (CC $ flickr.com).

The ’80/20 Principle’ is a book about the value that Pareto Principle can bring to both your business and personal life. If you are unfamiliar with Pareto Principle then its time you changed that. To get you moving I’ll let the author explain the nutshell version.

‘The 80/20 principle asserts that a minority, a small number, of causes, inputs or efforts usually leads to a majority of the results, outputs or rewards, so most of the outputs result from a very small part of the causes or inputs.’ – Richard Koch.

If that doesn’t work then why not try my watered down, Northern boy version:

’80% of the effort that you apply in your life is wasted, but the 20% of the real quality stuff is what is bringing you joy and happiness; or even more to the point – everyone is feeling good as they work hard at a lot of things that just don’t matter.’

It’s referred to as Pareto Principle because it is widely believed that the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto discovered the theory many, many moons ago.

I bought the book for no other reason that it was one of the books that Tim Ferris suggested in the 4hr Work Week. I guess it was one of the impulse buys that causes people to go into consumer debt!

The principle was not a new one for me. I can’t remember if it was taught in school, I vaguely remember it being mentioned; but I know it is used a lot by lean practitioners, and this is where I have learned the most about it. My first experience of using the 80/20 principle as a tool occurred when I was working in the Rail Industry. I tried to use it as an aid to improve train performance punctuality. I found the 20% of problems that were leading to 80% of the failures, but I could never get the support needed from the higher powers to solve them. It seemed the top 20% of problems always needed an injection in cash and no cash equals no resolution. Instead you worked really hard on trying to solve 80% of the failures. It was a strange world-watching people being praised for working hard at the wrong things. Backwards logic if you ask me, and one of the reasons I quit.

The book starts with a history lesson before Koch himself explains how the 80/20 principle has helped him change his life (Koch is a highly successful author, investor and businessman). He covers time management and the belief that there is never enough time when in reality we are awash with it, but just don’t understand how to manage it effectively. I thought his chapter on ‘Time Revolution’ was the best part of the book.

‘Society is divided into those who have money but no time to enjoy it, and those who have time but no money.’ – Richard Koch.

It also reminded me of why it was so important for me to have left the Railway when I did. I learned an incredible amount during my 20-years and I would have learned so much more had I stayed, but my roots would have grown out of unhappy soil instead of the more fertile rich soil that my life springs from today. If you apply the 80/20 principle to your life then only 20% of your lifespan will hold the moments that create 80% of your happiness. So it’s important to identify them, seek them out and apply more time in that area.

‘If you are, on average, happier at work than outside work, you should work more and/or change your non-work life.’ – Richard Koch.

Not only is time important, but also whom you spend that time with is equally as important. When I stopped drinking alcohol all of my friendships also changed. It wasn’t a conscious choice not to spend time with those people, it just happened, but I think it happens for a reason. It’s your internal sat-nav system directing you to the 20% of people who are going to provide 80% of happiness in your life.

’Spend your time and emotional energy reinforcing and deepening the relationships that are most important.’ – Richard Koch.

There are two clear focus points in the book: business and personal life. I personally gained more value from chapters that concentrated on my personal life than business. I found the business section very analytical, boring and difficult to consume, whereas the personal life section was a breeze and filled me with excitement and enthusiasm.

Fortunately, for me, it seems I actually try to lead a life consistent with the 80/20 principle. One thing I will say is my experiences shows that leading an 80/20 lifestyle can upset quite a lot of people. Your bosses, work colleagues, partners and friends may look upon you as being selfish when you start to only focus on the 20% and leave the 80% alone. My only advice would be to ‘keep on keeping’ on.

If you understand the 80/20 principle then I don’t see the need to read this book, unless like me, you could do with a refresher and a kick up the behind. But if you have never dabbled in this theory before then you should look no further than Richard Koch as your starting point.

Do you have a book recommendation for the Needy Helper?

You don’t understand what you are doing. There is no conscious thought. You wake up and just go with the flow. You may have a holiday booked for the summer; a wedding you have to attend in March and you might have a savings plan for your Christmas shopping; but for many people that’s about as much structure as they have in their lives.

We think that we are immortal and so the future really doesn’t exist for us. That being said, we worry about it all of the time, as we also worry about the things we have screwed up in the past, but we never talk about dying and never truly understand the speed of time. Then one day it is upon us and we are gone. We’ll no doubt tell lies and say that we had a wonderful life, that we wouldn’t have changed anything in the world, when really we will wish we had done things differently.

You are the architect of your life. The storyboards are of your own making. You can add splashes of colour, wonderfully exotic locations, beautiful co-stars and plenty of action. It makes me so angry when I think about all of the people who just do not realise that they have the capability and power to achieve anything. Why do dreams always hit a brick wall? Why can’t we just take the action needed to get us moving?

Kate Smye is 11-years old and her mother, Mel, 31, has terminal cancer. There are no thoughts of immortality in the Smye household and they all understand the speed of time. Young Kate has written a bucket list containing all of the experiences she wants to have with her mother before she dies. She wants to create memories. She wants to create her own storyboards.

“Things I would like to save up for to do with my mum and brother while she is well enough.

Legoland or Thorpe Park. To see 1D, or anyone really, as we’ve never been to a concert before and always say we will. 

To have a girly shopping day with Mum at Glasgow.

To save up enough for my big dream to go to Disneyland Paris or take my Mum to see a show in London to have the experience I did with my school, as she always wanted to go, but any of these would be good memories for us all.

By Kate Smye, age 11.”

Please provide a donation to Kate Smye so she can experience all of these wonderful things whilst her mother is still well enough. Then wipe away that tear and focus on your own life. What is it that you are putting off doing today? What are you scared of? What is holding you back?

If you are honest you will find that the only thing holding you back is you. Take off that handbrake and let yourself roll away, you will find it exhilarating.

Photo courtesy of the amazing h.koppdelaney cc @flickr.com

I find myself in a situation of my own making. I created the beast and now I can’t control it. My son’s diet is one that has been created by me. I am his parent and I am responsible for the foodstuffs that he likes to this day.

Trying to convince a 12-year old child to eat healthily is a very difficult thing indeed. Do I take the hard line? Do I just insist that he is not to eat anything that I believe leads to his addictive state? Or is the best tact to incorporate a more balanced approach. I have chosen the latter and the only reason I have done so, is children would starve before they put a vegetable into their mouth.

This problem multiplies when his friends stay because they are not my responsibility. Who am I to tell them what they can or cannot eat? Now I have a different problem on my hands. If I don’t feed my guests then that is tantamount to something far more serious. I would hate it if I felt my son was not being fed whilst staying at someone else’s house.

The balanced approach means that I also get dragged along for the ride. By allowing myself to be exposed to risk I increase the likelihood that I will have a small relapse. This is what my brain generally says to me.

“Your lifestyle choices are healthy. If you want to eat a piece of cake then you should be allowed to. Taking one brick out of the wall does not mean that the whole thing is going to come crashing down.”

Last night I took my son and his friend to watch Fast and Furious Six. I bought them both sugared popcorn and myself a salted version. What a hypocrite. I also bought three small Tango Ice Blasts without even thinking. It was the first sugary drink that has passed my lips in six months. As I watched the movie I chomped through every kernel. Was I hungry…no, was it tasty…no. We finished off the evening with a sandwich from Subway. I never eat at Subway. I decided to have a Chicken Tikka sandwich with a raita sauce and salad. I chose the healthier breaded option than they had.

Later in the evening I had the most intense stomach pains followed by a night on the toilet. I realised that my body was communicating with me the only way it knew how. By spending the night on the toilet my body was telling me:

“Look sunshine. I’m not sure what type of game you are playing, but for the past year you have fed me nothing but healthy and nutritious food. I feel fantastic. So what on earth are you doing now? Don’t put that shit inside me because if you do, I will make sure that all you see for the rest of the night is shit. You got me sunshine?”

I love these little relapses because they help us learn and move forward. It’s been a long time since my body has had to speak to me, to warn me about the dangers that my lifestyle choices are bringing down on me. As I wrote about the incident in my journal I realised that my body had been playing this game with me all of my life, and that for the larger part of it I ignored it.

I believe you also ignore your body as it tries to help you.

A few years ago I would bleed when I went to the toilet after eating jalapeno peppers. It was so bad that I had to stop eating them or suffer the consequences. Guess what I did? I suffered the consequences. Then when I stopped drinking something miraculous happened. I was able to eat jalapeno peppers without bleeding. How was this possible? You don’t need to be Einstein to work it out. I was only eating jalapenos after drinking alcohol, and it was the alcohol that was causing me to bleed. My body was trying to show me that alcohol was not good for my system, and I ignored it.

There were other signs that my body would give me as well. I would have terrible skin when I drank. I would smell kind of funny. I would be extremely tired and irritable. But most obviously I would vomit profusely. I would vomit so bad that I would often bring up blood. The stage before the blood was the worst. That was the yellow bile stage. It always tasted of Vodka even when I hadn’t drunk it. I can only guess that it was pure alcohol.

What a sign! My body was ejecting the filth from my stomach and still I didn’t get it. I just carried on regardless. What an absolute class ‘A’ idiot. Here is my body throwing the alcohol out of my body and I repaid it by putting more back in.

I haven’t vomited in over four years.

I’m glad I over ate last night. It has provided me with a nice timely reminder to listen to my body.

I urge you to do the same.

What signs does your body give you that your lifestyles choices are causing you problems?

Photo courtesy of Mugley (cc @ flickr.com)

It’s good to see David Cameron getting involved in the debate over the trade of pesticides being sold as slimming aids over the Internet. The Prime Minister’s attention has been grabbed after the recent death of Sarah Houston, a 23-year old sufferer of anorexia, and bulimia, who was found dead in her bedroom after taking Dinitrophenol (DNP).

DNP was once used as a slimming aid, but fell out of favour after it was considered ‘too toxic’ for use as a dieting supplement. That was back in 1938, but the recent explosion in glossy magazine covers showing bodybuilders and airbrushed beauty queens has seen DNP being bought over the Internet to once again aid in slimming.

Caroline Noakes, the MP for Romsey and Southampton, has urged David Cameron to stop the sale of DNP after she said it has been responsible for 62 deaths from people hoping to lose weight. But DNP is allowed to be sold as a herbicide and it’s not the seller’s fault if the consumer decides to ingest it, hence the reason the Prime Minister will find it difficult to ban it.

If we want to live in a liberal society, where free will takes precedent, then we need to take responsibility for our own actions. There is always going to be people trying to sell us things that are harmful to our bodies, and so we need to make better choices. But some people need more help than others, such as the tragic case of Sarah Houston, and this is where the government, schooling system and parents need to provide as much awareness of these dangers as possible. In short, we need to lead by example and to show the children of the future that there is a better way. For this to happen quicker, we need the top to be better educated and willing to act. People looking towards the government are going to be very disappointed.

In the mid 1990s I was into the rave scene. Everyone was taking drugs and I succumbed for a number of reasons. I was a bugger for peer pressure when I was younger. I always had to prove to the world that I was tough and so this is one of the reasons I took drugs. The next, and more obvious reason was the high. I was never educated on the benefits or drawbacks of taking drugs, either in school or by my parents. I learned by experience and when I was high it was great and the comedown was a million times better than any hangover I had ever experienced. The damage that the drugs were doing to me on the inside was irrelevant as the instant gratification was far more overwhelming; and with a lack of direction and mentoring I didn’t care.

But the biggest problem with my level of drug taking was the interaction I had with my parents. I have always been open and honest with my parents and have spoken to them about everything that goes on in my head from sex, to drinking, to smoking and to drugs. They knew I was taking recreational drugs and they recommended that I should stop. I even remember my father calling me an idiot as I was coming down after a night where I had taken a gram of amphetamines. He was drunk and was falling from side to side as he delivered his volley. I had been drinking nothing but water all night and was completely lucid and aware of my surroundings despite coming down from the drug. His hypocrisy made me angry and defiant. How could this man tell me to stop taking drugs when he was high on one of the most destructive drugs on the planet?

In my mind, it was better the devil you know. I had to take some form of drug in order to enjoy myself, because that’s what everyone did. So I chose acid, amphetamines and amyl nitrate as my highs preferring them to the loss of control and the terrible hangovers that alcohol served. You have to have good role models in your life. People who lead by example and this is why I strive to make so many changes in my life. It’s all about those that I love and care about and in particular my son. I want to live as long as possible so I can see him grow and mature. I want to see his children and to teach him how to be a great role model for them. I also want him to do a Dr Spock and live long and prosper and so his health is paramount to me. I don’t want him to ever become ill and to fall into harm. So I choose not to drink, smoke, take drugs and eat the shit that the world tries to force down my throat. Will it be enough to prevent my son from taking DNP? I don’t know, but at least I will know that I have tried my very best.

There was one drug that I never took despite being very close to taking it, and that was ecstasy. People were telling me that is was the greatest high ever. That it increased the buzz whilst having sex and made everyone feel so happy and in love. Then I saw Leah Betts on her deathbed as her parents allowed the images to be shown on television screens all over Great Britain. That didn’t look like love to me. That didn’t look like a great high, and it was a comedown that Betts would never wake up from. There was no way on earth I was going to take ecstasy because I could see with my very own eyes that it kills.

Now we know that this doesn’t work for everyone. The images on packets of cigarettes are disgusting and yet people still look at them whilst lighting up and slowly killing themselves. But it worked for me. Maybe their needs to be something as radical as that needed to deal with DNP before it falls out of control?

My last word is on the intervention of the Prime Minister. People hate double standards. People love uniformity. So how can the PM ban substances like DNP after it kills 65 people and yet continue to glorify and take taxation from alcohol and cigarettes, which kills millions worldwide? What’s the difference? Do you know the harsh reality of that question? For every single excuse that drinkers and smokers will give for their reasoning behind poisoning themselves, the currently deceased Sarah Houston will have just as many.

Until people start thinking more consciously about why they do the things they do, think about root cause and think more long term gain than instant gratification high, people are going to die each and every day; desperate for the aid of a society that can’t even see what the hell is going on.

Have you ever had an experience with DNP? Please share it with Needy Helper.

As I previously explained in my blog post My Addiction to Pornography I have not watched pornography for over a year. But I have realized that pornography comes in more shapes and sizes than the world of the Internet porn channels. As a young boy who used to get turned on by the swimwear section of my Mum’s catalogue I should have known better.

The world is challenging me like never before. Pornography has the same strength of pull as sugar does (pardon the pun). Quitting nicotine and alcohol was easy for me. Once I could see that the pair of them offered me zero benefits I found it easy to quit. It doesn’t matter what situation I find myself in, I am never tempted by nicotine or alcohol. Pornography is different. It does provide me with some benefits and so I need a different game plan.

Dr. Kevin B. Skinner provides that game plan in this quite wonderful book. It’s is quite simply stunning. One of the best self-improvement books I have ever read. It has a quite beautiful balance. The journey that he takes you on throughout the 10-chapters in this book is quite gripping. I don’t care if you have never watched pornography. If personal continuous improvement is something you crave, then you will love this book.

Skinner helps you understand where your pornography problem stems from. Of course you have to go right back to your first involvement with pornography. This was something that I did when I wrote my real life story, but I went even deeper by answering the questions that Skinners poses – all 45 of them.

My form of journaling has changed completely as a result of Skinners work, and I thank Chapter Nine: Relapse Prevention Journal – A Tool to Use in Recovery for that. It was a detailed collection of journal entries from one of Skinners clients as he went through a yearlong fight against his urges to view pornography. The first-person writing style allows you to really get into the mind of the character as he pours his struggles onto his beloved journal. Not only did it inspire, and help me, but it also re-enforced my belief in the power of getting your own life story out of your head and share it with the world.

Do not be fooled into thinking that a person with a pornography addiction is some sort of dirty old pervert. Nothing could be further from the truth. Most of these addictions happened when people’s minds were too immature to even comprehend what they were watching. It’s not a subject matter that is discussed in school, and it’s rarely discussed between parent and child. It’s not even a topic that is often discussed between best of friends; and yet it’s a world that is growing ever stronger, tightening it’s grip on a society that has blurred the lines so much that it’s difficult to tell pornography from every day entertainment.

Have you read any great books recently? If so share them with Needy Helper.

If you are male, aged between 18-24 and think you watch too much porn then e-mail get.involved@blinkfilmsuk.com.

Photo courtesy of Colin Brown (CC @ Flickr)

Alcohol has always played a role in my life.

I was born in Glasgow in 1970 and I am the youngest of four children. My father, now deceased, was an alcoholic, gambler and wife beater. My father always had a drink in him, although when I was small I just thought he was in a playful mood, and often very tired, which would explain why he would fall asleep on the sofa. I didn’t know what ‘drunk’ was.

My mum drank a bit, although she said it was because he insisted that she did. Before the age of 10 I was well aware of alcohol being in our house. We didn’t have a lot of money but when we had a Sunday dinner we often had a bottle of cheap sparkling wine. I thought we were very posh. My older siblings and I (one of whom has mental health issues and is no longer a part of my life) were allowed a small drop of alcohol at Christmas – mostly lager shandy.

At the age of 10 we moved to the middle of a bustling town and whilst there we were branded as snobs. My father moved out a few times but it would be a few more years before he left completely on my mums instruction. By the age of 14 Mum had met my Step Father. She was only 44, almost the same age I am now. One of my siblings had married and moved out and another was in sheltered accommodation, which left my mum, my 19-year-old sister and me living together. My Fathers life was rapidly going down hill through drink and I visited him now and then; more out of obligation than anything. In comparison, my Step Father had money, a good job and liked to party…and drink. Mum fitted into the new lifestyle pretty well. She would often stay over at his house and my sister would look after me. I preferred going out with my friend than doing homework so my schoolwork slipped a bit.

When my mum and step dad got engaged we had a huge party. Everyone was drunk, including me. Around the same time, my friend and I went to my older siblings sister in laws house. Despite being a nurse, she allowed my friend and I to help ourselves to the wine and soon all three of us were drunk. I remember throwing up. The following day I vowed I’d never drink again. How wrong could I possibly be? By the age of 16 Mum remarried and I was the only child to move into the marital home. I felt out of place, I left school with no qualifications and got a part time job.

On Friday nights, despite being underage, I would go to the local pub with my new friends and drink and smoke to our hearts content. Mum knew about this but I think she was quite happy to not have me under her, and her new husbands, feet. I had a brief spell at college then in 1987 I went to Blackpool with my Mum and Step dad. I went out partying, made unsavoury friends and got drunk regularly. I found a job in an amusement arcade and told Mum I had a place to live so I wasn’t going back home. She didn’t really look into where I was working or living. She just agreed to let me stay and left me with £20 in my pocket. I didn’t actually have a place to live so I was now homeless. Without any parental control, or guidance, I started out on my path of self-destruction…I’m still on it.

But, I muddled through and met my first serious boyfriend. He was 12 years older than me – an architect from Liverpool. I moved in with him and we got engaged. It lasted two-years but there were many drunken nights and arguments and the final one resulted in me getting battered just minutes before my 19^th birthday. I phoned Mum and let her know what had happened. She said she had £300 put aside for me and I used the money to go to Greece on the bus. I stayed there for five-months working anywhere I could. I don’t think I ever had a day when I didn’t have a hangover. There I met a Greek guy and he came back to Glasgow to live with me. I still believe he was the love of my life. I don’t remember anything too bad about that relationship but when I found him on Facebook a few years ago, the first comment he made was: “I see you are still drinking”. Obviously his recollections of me weren’t quite as positive as mine were of him. I was both hurt and surprised by his question.

In a desperate bid to feel some sense of belonging I married a friend who had a huge family. It didn’t last long – four-years. Within weeks of splitting up with a perfectly good man, I had met husband number two; a gambler and drinker just like my father. We drank regularly although I stopped when I became pregnant. Despite him asking me to give him a child, he left me when I did become pregnant, most likely because I wouldn’t be there to drink with him, and the pub suddenly held no interest for me anymore. Despite getting back together, getting married and having a second child we split up and I have been a single parent since my youngest child was three-months old. She’s almost nine now.

Despite all of this, I studied for a teaching degree but I didn’t do my final honours as it all got too much for me, so now I just have a piece of paper to remind me that I ‘almost’ achieved something good. I see my children’s lives sadly mirroring mine. If I drink too much I fall asleep. They leave me to it. They just know. In the past few years every relationship has ended through my drinking, or my partners drinking. In recent years I have ruined parties, Christmas and other special occasions through drinking too much. I have no friends, I am not close to my family, I have no money, no house of my own, and I’m bankrupt and lonely. My oldest child is about to turn 13. About the same age I was when I started drinking alcohol. My biggest fear is that she turns out like me.

Last year, after yet another failed turbulent drink fuelled relationship I decided enough was enough. I attended an AA meeting. Personally, I found it the most terrifying experience and although The Fellowship have ‘saved’ many, I woke up the morning after the meeting knowing I would never attend another. I started collecting articles about alcohol, newspaper cuttings of drink fuelled fights and arguments that have seen people killed and, or, jailed. I invested in self help books in order to re educate myself about alcohol and as daft as this might sound it’s the first time in my life that I realised that circumstances didn’t ruin things for me…alcohol did.

My kids saw a happier, healthier more contented side to me and my eldest understood my changes. She was over the moon. However, three glorious alcohol free months later, I made a huge mistake. I forgot why I stopped drinking. I forgot what I’d learned from my books. I fell back into the myth that I was missing out on something by not drinking alcohol. A couple of ciders for the weekend has now turned into a bottle of wine on a weekday because, well, I deserve it don’t I?

This week alone I have been drunk twice. I have made a fool of myself on Facebook, I have declared undying love for someone who isn’t interested in me and have felt really ill. Yesterday my ex boyfriend asked me out for lunch, surprising because he has seen me at my worst. He drinks a lot but as he does it with class and sophistication I don’t see his drinking as a problem. We were going to the local carvery and I had rehearsed in my head the part where he asked me what I wanted to drink. My reply was going to be Fresh Orange and Soda please. However, we decided on a change of venue. Our set menu included a glass of wine, which I drank. My friend then ordered a bottle of wine for our meal and I drank my share. A few drinks at the local pub on the way home then back to my house, collecting beer from his on the way. Fast forward a few hours, I feel like rubbish, both physically and mentally. My kitchen looked like a brewery this morning. I know I’ve fallen out with at least one of my friends, maybe both.

I will stop drinking again and it has to start now, although I did say that on Thursday too. I don’t believe alcohol has any benefits but everyone else I know drinks regularly. It gets me thinking that maybe I’m not the one in the right after all. Why is stopping drinking alcohol so difficult, especially as I actually don’t want to do it at all?

I’m so confused.

Do you have a story to tell? Please send it to me at Needyhelper@gmail.com

Photo courtesy of dmuth cc @ flickr.com

When I was aged between 9-10 years old I spent my entire life in my friends house across the road. His father always worked away – in the military I think – and his Mum would make the best toast I have ever tasted. She would burn one side and coat it in butter whilst leaving the other side un-toasted – it was heavenly. My friend’s bedroom was full of the top of the range video games. He had a ZX Spectrum and Commodore 64, and we would spend hours playing Football, Dungeons and Dragons and Manic Miner.

One day when I was at his house he told me he didn’t want to play video games. Instead he wanted to show me a movie that he had found when searching for Christmas presents in his parents bedroom. He showed me the case. This great big VHS case with pictures of naked women on it. I can’t remember the full name of the video but I do remember the name Electric Blue.

He put the movie on and we both sat and watched as people started to have sex. It was the first time that I had ever seen people having sex of any description. Eventually, the woman made the guys come with their hands and my friend asked me if I had ever done that before? I told him I hadn’t but asked him the same question and he said he had. I asked him what it was like and he told me that it was the best feeling in the world. He then said we should do it there and then. I refused. He called me a baby and so I agreed to a compromise. He would masturbate in the bedroom and I would go to the bathroom.

As I lay on the bathroom floor I remember the smell of toilet cleaner. I can’t tell you the brand, but I can tell you that for the next 30-years when I have a whiff of the same smell I am right back in that bathroom. I started to play with myself like I had seen on the movie and eventually I had my first orgasm. I remember thinking that my penis was broken because no white stuff came out. What I now understand to be an orgasm was the most exhilarating experience I had ever had. Then I was immediately hit with a different feeling – one of shame. I made my excuses and left, although we would watch the same movie over and over again without ever again masturbating as we had done that first time.

I didn’t have much as a child in terms of materialistic pleasures. So imagine how fortunate I was to find out that I could create the ultimate pleasure by just using my hand. A few weeks after that first experience I started to masturbate quite frequently. I went looking for videos in my parent’s bedroom and found a magazine underneath my Dad’s mattress. The models in the magazine never turned me on; it was always the reader’s wives. Not long after I had my first wet dream. Although it wasn’t very wet because I was still not producing sperm at this point, and still thought it was broken! I have only ever had two wet dreams since.

As I got older I found that the magazines had a lesser impact on me. I was taking longer to reach orgasm and I was getting bored looking at the same pictures. I have never bought pornography in my life although one year my mate did buy me a video for my birthday, which was nice! At this time I started to fantasise instead of reading magazines. It was never film stars or pop stars and instead people that I knew, mainly friends of my mother.

Then along came the Internet. By the time I first bought a computer I was married. One of the first things I did when I set it up was search for pornography. I was bombarded with images and pop up ads, but try as I might I couldn’t find any free pornography sites. Then one day I was talking about this in the pub and a friend told me how to access a free site and I started using it. I remember once sitting by the computer with my ex wife searching for photographs of my son. My ex wife told me to press ‘search all photos’ and all manner of pornographic photographs came onto the screen. I lied to her about where they had come from.

I would watch pornography at least once a day. I developed a habit where I told myself it would help me sleep. I hated my job and had a lot of worries surrounding debt. I would always find a way to sneak to the computer to watch pornography and masturbate. I think the thrill of getting caught increased the sexual edge.

When I got divorced my use of pornography increased. Sometimes I would masturbate more than once a day. By now my habits had changed. I still had the habit of masturbating before falling to sleep, but I would also masturbate after exercise, just before I had a bath, after writing for prolonged periods of time or after playing video games. I have no idea why I felt sexually stimulated at these times but I did. By now I couldn’t reach orgasm by looking at magazines or fantasizing. I could only reach orgasm by having sex or watching pornography. By now I was reaching climax and not even having any orgasm at all.

I then met my new girlfriend. She is a stunner – absolutely beautiful. She was the first woman I had been with for 20-years. Suddenly, everything that never mattered before mattered now. Was I going to be rated in bed? What my penis big enough? Would I come too quickly? Would she like my body? Would I like hers? It was terrifying. I started to suffer from various ailments of sexual dysfunction. I had no idea what was happening to me. Once again I turned to pornography to try and solve my issues. When I was alone with pornography there was no stress, no shame and no worries.

Then one day I was watching a movie about two young girls who had been kidnapped. Their captors raped them, filmed the rape scenes and showed the videos on porn channels. This movie had a profound effect on me. I immediately realised that although this movie was not real, that this must actually happen in real life. As a user of pornography I was feeding the system that was raping and abusing young girls. At the same time I had also begun to see a therapist about the stress of my divorce. We talked about pornography and she made me see for the first time how damaging it can be to your life.

I decided to quit watching pornography over a year ago.

At no point did I believe I was addicted to pornography when I was using. In fact, I didn’t really understand the depth of my problem until just recently. The world we live in is a very sick place. Our children are being taken and abused. I believe that this all stems from pornography and the general availability of it on the Internet.

You can log onto the Internet right now and watch a drunken, unconscious girl sat on a train whilst various men are abusing her. I don’t know if it is real or staged but it exists. There are scenes of simulated rape, BDSM and bondage.

Remember when I was younger I found a magazine underneath my Dad’s mattress and I wasn’t even 10-years old. Our children have access to this stuff on the Internet and don’t be fooled into believing that your security checks will stop them from accessing it. People are being raised to believe that sexual intimacy is taken directly from the images they see on the screens. I know because this is what I have done.

I have written my story in the hope that people will connect with it and join me in boycotting pornography. It’s not easy. We are bombarded with sexually explicit images every day. Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, television, movies, magazines and the Internet all provide challenges for people who were once addicted to pornography.

You need to look beyond the instant gratification and consider the long-term effects on your health. Pornography addiction is no different than alcohol, nicotine, sugar or drugs. They all have the same pattern. They blind us from the future by providing us with a wonderful buzz right here and right now. Learn to see that future.

Learn to see it today.

If you are male, aged between 18-24 and think you watch too much porn then e-mail get.involved@blinkfilmsuk.com.

Alternatively, why not let me help you by applying for a slot in the Lean Life coaching course.

If you have a real life story to tell then please contact me . Putting your thoughts on paper really helps with your recovery. Anonymity is preserved.

Photo courtesy of MikeCogh cc @ flickr