I don’t feel pain as my head goes through the glass. I only realise I am bleeding when I look down and see blobs start to drop on my white Adidas. Not very RUN DMC now is it?
I look into the splintered world from whence my head had just come. A fractured face, a definitive smirk, inflamed flaring nostrils breathing mist on the mosaic. There is a devil inside of me. Run. Run. Run.
I would stand in front of a hail of bullets after a night on the town. Hand outstretched like Neo.
Then they die.
Can I drink moderately?
A friend of mine once said: “Ching…your decision to quit drinking doesn’t impress me. If you want to impress me then cut down.”
He was on to something. He knew that it would be harder to moderate than to abstain. And what is moderation anyway? My Dad would tell you that he has drunk alcohol moderately for the past half a century.
Of course you can drink moderately. You know people who do. I assume you are asking the question because you have tried. You failed: morphine, heroin, cigarettes, alcohol, cocaine, weed and watching people fucking on your computer screen. It’s the blueprint of a life of excess. You wear the stains.
You want a doctor to put jellyfish type electrodes on your head and zap you into drinking moderately. I want to piss on your face. I’m not into golden showers. It’s the only way to ease the pain from the sting. That’s what I am here for.
There is a story about a group of monkeys that were living under experimental conditions. The experimenters placed a banana at the top of a staircase. A monkey climbed the stairs to grab the banana. The experimenters doused all the monkeys with water before the banana could be reached. Then another monkey started the ascent. The experimenters sprayed them again. After repeating this process for some time the monkeys refused to step onto the staircase.
After a while the experimenters removed a monkey and replaced him with another one. Then a banana was placed at the top of the stairs. The new monkey started to climb, but the other monkeys attacked him, fearing they would be blasted with water. The experimenters replaced a monkey every so often so in the end none of the remaining monkeys ever experienced being doused with water, and yet they refused steadfastly to climb the stairs and grab the banana.
“It’s the way it’s always been.”
That phrase makes me want to stick a Barbie doll up my ass. Its sole purpose is to drain your life of power. It is parasitic. It’s like throwing dynamite on your future.
If you drank moderately most of your life then you will continue to drink moderately. If you have not, then you won’t. Your will is hiding in a foxhole with a youthful and hubris Dorian Grey. Take a look at his painting and you will see an old and scraggy drunken cunt. He is deceiving you. He sprayed the monkeys.
Can I drink moderately?
Why would I want to?
I don’t moderately inject my veins with heroin. I don’t have Mother Superior on speed dial. Fewer people die. It’s a better high. But monkeys don’t feed on the junk.
I don’t fill an eyedropper with arsenic and watch as a world of pain drips into my green juice. Kiwi’s, apples, celery…oh my! I can turn this little fucker into Absinthe. I just need one little droplet of poison. It’s moderation. Monkeys don’t do that.
Moderation is a disaster waiting to happen. Like that time your daughter found your Rampant Rabbit and took it into school on bring your own pet day. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. A solar flare erupting on your face as you have to explain how it got into those little cherubic hands. It was in the bathroom. That’s right…waiting to be cleaned!
Don’t fuck with moderation. It will send you into your own little private universe of unadulterated pain. It will turn you into a skeleton dipped in English Mustard. It will fuck your chakra’s up. It turns tranquillity tits up. It’s an ambient arsonist. It will burn your life to the ground.
I don’t drink moderately because I climbed the stairs and grabbed the banana. I didn’t get wet. The experimenters had fucked off to pick on the Beagles instead. Beagles. Chosen for vivisection because they are the most forgiving of animals.
It’s all in the eyes.
Those lovely Beagle like eyes.
There is no reason to drink moderately. Like you, I had a script. I was doused with the water. But unlike you I realised that the script had not yet ended. It was like a Terminator movie. It just went on and on and on. It would always ‘be back’. You just needed to pick up the quill, dip it into your blood and write a new script.
The one I wrote carried this catchy title.
“Alcohol Offers You Zero Benefits.”
Suddenly I had Harry Potter’s wand in my hand (I hope it was his wand). I was waving it about and all kinds of magical things were happening. Stardust fell from the mountains on the moon. They melted my mind like an irresponsible igloo. I was no longer a slave to the status quo. I didn’t belong to him. I didn’t belong to her. I didn’t belong to anyone. I could be whoever I wanted to be because I was the person holding the quill.
And then I wrote.
If alcohol offers zero benefits…
And the only consequence of drinking was damage to my health and ultimately death.
Then why would I want to drink moderately?
To drink a powerful poison, moderately, and receive no value in return is insane.
Why would I want to do that?
Before you go, would you like to become a member of the Needy Helper Hub? It’s a new idea to create a connected community, with support and a continual personal improvement process forever. It’s my intention to be online as much as I can to answer any questions you have about your addiction and to continually update the Hub with training tools, tips and techniques to help you create a whole new life. If that interests you, then click this link to find out more.