Then I got married and had a single relationship for the next 15-years. In the beginning I didn’t give the relationship much thought. I do distinctly remember being fearful that she would leave me and I felt very vulnerable. If I am being honest I don’t think I thought I was good enough for her. But we got married very quickly and as I slipped that ring on my finger all my worries vanished. I suppose, in my mind, being married meant it would be more difficult for her to leave me, hence the loss of vulnerability. But in terms of the nuts and bolts of the relationship I went with the flow and didn’t poke about in the machinery that much.
As I got older I developed a deeper interest in relationships. I think this is because we argued more through age. The arguments piqued my interest and so I started to delve into the whys. I bought books on woman, and on relationships, to try and understand why men and woman argued so much. I learned a great deal, but never learned as much as I thought I knew.
My marriage ended in a divorce and this proves to me that I have some work to do on my relationship skills. I don’t want to have another divorce and the best way to avoid that from happening is to understand what went wrong and to work out how to put that right. I realise that I cannot control the mind and actions of anyone else and so the best I can do is improve my understanding of my behaviours and change them accordingly.
I have a 2012 goal to read at least three books on relationships and this book is one of those. It was chosen because it was specifically about the differences between men and women. There are times when I realise that the two genders are so different that I wonder why we aren’t all gays and lesbians with children created in vitro.
I know I said that my goal was to read 52 books in 52 weeks but I didn’t finish this book, so I am actually going to read 53 books in 52 weeks to compensate. I didn’t finish it because I found it so mind numbingly boring, uninteresting and so far of point it was untrue. I expected the context to be thought provoking and to provide me with some tools to help improve my relationships, but it did neither. I also hated the way that the book was presented. Take People Skills by Robert Bolton as an example. The book had chapters, which told a story in an order that made sense to you. Each Chapter was a separate lesson in an area of communication and it was a great educational way of presenting the text. Yet with this book it was just one long piece of unbroken text. Lastly, I hated the way that she would create an argument based on one piece of evidence. Too much of the book was written in a Jane said that men can’t listen so it must be true type of way that in the end it just became very annoying.
Why did I pick up this book?
I picked up this book because I realise most of the reasons people in relationship argue a lot is because men and woman are hardwired so differently. The genders don’t understand each other on so many levels and I want to try to understand these issues deeper so I can be more mindful in my new relationship. I bought this particular book searching on Amazon and I am starting to question the relevance of the Amazon search engines because I seem to be picking books that are not very good.