It’s been raining hard and blowing a gale for a week, but today of all days it’s a beautiful day. Wales are playing Ireland in the rugby union Six Nations tournament. This in itself attracts thousands of Welsh and Irish to the poison. But the sun will bring even more out of their houses. There is nothing quite like a rugby international in the sun to make people want to pour poison down their throats all day long – another case of classic societal conditioning.
I have just had to wade through hundreds of people as I make my own journey from the Valleys to Cardiff. I am just heading home for a cup of Earl Grey, but the throng is heading to the bar. I have passed large groups of girls wearing not much more than a belt, tottering along the street, barely able to walk in their stiletto’s and they haven’t even had a pint yet. For every woman there are ten men. Big groups of them, all flexing their muscles in their teeny-weeny little t-shirts. They are all laughing now, throwing empty cans on the street as they march, but they won’t be laughing for long.
For now, everything is good natured and fun, and its true that thousands of people will get pissed, have a great time and go home to bed. No harm done…so what’s all the fuss about? It would be great to go out tonight. Have a night on the town. There should be a cracking atmosphere. The Welsh and Irish mingling together in one Celtic cuddle. But I can’t go out because I am scared.
When I gave up drinking people assumed that I had turned boring, that I couldn’t go out and enjoy myself now that I had refused to pour poison down my throat. These sceptics could not be further from the truth. It’s days like today that are the reason I cannot go out. These days fill me with such fear that it is impossible for me to even leave the house. So what am I so scared of?
In a few short hours, Cardiff and the surrounding areas will resemble a war zone in Afghanistan. Those young girls will be found walking barefoot in the piss and dirt. Some of them will be in the big arms of those ruggedly handsome chaps. But they are handsome no more. The drink has given them an edge. A nasty edge. There will be people lying everywhere – comatose. The toilets in the pubs and bars will be drenched in piss. The toilets seats will be broken and shit will pile high. There aren’t enough urinals to support the mass, so the guys will piss in the sink. The girls have an even worse deal so they will head into the guys toilet as well. Some of them will just piss on the floor. Inhibitions are gone, and it always makes me smirk when I consider these are the reasons that people like to drink.
Women like this often tell you that they like to drink because it loosens up their inhibitions.
The accident and emergency units will be run of their feet. The innocent and the unwell held in line with a bunch of pricks that have put their heads through windows, punched walls in anger or just punched each other for looking at them in the wrong way. The door of every pub will have a bouncer. Why have a bouncer? If drinking makes you so happy, if you drink for enjoyment, then why have a bouncer? Wouldn’t everyone be cuddling, hugging and laughing? They are there because without them there would be even more anarchy. They are there because drinking turns people into animals. Can’t you see this? Are you blind?
The police force will arrest more people tonight than in the whole month. The highest rates of incident will revolve around the Six Nation championships. Parents will be at home silently praying that their boy does not get his head kicked in and there girl doesn’t get laid.
What is the cure? How do we stop this idiocy and madness? We stop it by understanding the simple truth. It is not the poison that is helping you enjoy yourself. It is the fun, the banter, the camaraderie and the game itself. Those are the things that you derive enjoyment out of. Do you think the poison provides you with enjoyment? What buzz do you get out of getting pissed? You get so pissed, so often, you have forgotten to think. So think now. Drink your poison and wait for the buzz. There is no buzz. You drink because that is what you have always done. You do not drink because alcohol has the amazing power to make you happy. It is ethanol and people pour it into their cars.
So what about the thousands who go home after the piss up and cause no harm? I admit they exist. But the line is so fine. Both people are out of control because they need alcohol in order to socialise. The guy who has just punched someone’s lights out was acting normally just one pint ago. If you are going to use the ‘everything in moderation’ line then shoot up or smoke crack cocaine instead. Take some speed instead of a pint. If my memory is correct at least you got a buzz out of it. But of course you won’t because it is socially unacceptable to take those drugs, in the same way that it is socially acceptable to take the drug you are taking right now. Yes…it is a drug, you just don’t realise it because your parents drink it and their parents drink it. In fact, 90% of Western society drinks it.
The world is so screwed up that when I gave up drinking people thought there was something wrong with me? When people ask me today if I would like a drink and I refuse they think I’m strange. With behaviour like this it’s no reason there is only 10% brave enough to quit. But how fucked up is society when a man who drinks 12-pints on a match day, sniffs cocaine from a piss stained toilet top, screws anything that moves without a condom and then batters someone for looking at him the wrong way calls me strange for not drinking. It’s so ridiculous I spontaneously laugh when I write, only stopping when I realise the depths of sadness I feel about the society I dwell in.
Cardiff versus Ireland? I would rather watch it on the TV with my cup of Earl Grey and a piece of toast. It’s the safest place to be.